By the shores of Gitchee Gumee,
By the shining Big-Sea-Water

-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, from "Song of Hiawatha"

[There's just no other way to start out an article about Lake Superior State University than with the immortal words of Longfellow, describing Lake Superior herself.]

Lake Superior State University, in Michigan's Upper Peninsula (the town of Sault Sainte Marie, to be exact) doesn't get in the news very often. I have to admit, I spent some of my childhood in and around "the U.P." (as Michiganders say), and I had no idea LSSU even existed. Although at least I know how to correctly say the name of the town (first word is pronounced "Soo").

But LSSU's relative obscurity hasn't stopped them from their tireless efforts to rid the language of those extremely annoying and overused phrases that seem to float on our common discourse like so many turds in a cesspool. They started their valiant work 33 years ago, and every New Year's Day since have issued a "Banished Words" list.

In other words, they have proclaimed themselves the Grammar Police.

[I really should check their past lists, as "Grammar Police" probably got the thumbs down years ago.]

Before I give you their list for 2008, I have to offer my own too-late-to-be-considered entries for words and phrases that really need to be banished.

The first is "blood and treasure." Anyone reading any news article, or listening to any politician speak about the Iraq war in the past year knows exactly what I'm talking about. It just sounds like cheap poetry, and needs to be banished immediately.

The second has already fallen out of use, but needs to be mentioned nonetheless: "date certain" as in "we need to set a date certain for withdrawal." In direct opposition to the previous one, this sounds like a phrase some wonky lawyer dreamed up, and is only used by politicians. As I said, this one has mostly withered on the vine on its own accord, but still should be officially banished as far as I'm concerned.

There's also one on this year's list ("wordsmithing") that I actually like and use -- although not so much in my writing, more in talking about my writing to others. Occupational hazard when dealing with writers, I suppose. What if I just promised not to use it in public -- would that be OK?

Anyway, here for your amusement is the official LSSU (go Lakers!) 2008 Banished Words List (the full list, complete with snarky comments, is available on their website).

Perfect storm

Webinar

Waterboarding

Organic

Wordsmith / Wordsmithing

Author / Authored (as verb: "to author")

Post-9/11

Surge (used for Iraq war)

Give back

"X" is the new "Y" (no matter what "X" and "Y" are)

Black Friday (day after Thanksgiving)

Back in the day

Random (as teenage slang: "That's so random!")

Sweet! (as used by Cartman on "South Park")

Decimate (actual definition is to reduce by one-tenth only)

Emotional (used by news reporters)

Pop (used by interior decorators, as in: "that really makes it POP!")

It is what it is

Under the bus

If you want to give back in this post-9/11 world (unlike back in the day) you can now do so online, in an organic way. Create the perfect storm by authoring and then wordsmithing next year's entries! While not exactly a webinar, we can help create a surge that turns into a perfect storm of phrases to decimate in '08! Don't wait until Black Friday, or your emotional entry may get thrown under the bus! Suggest something random with some POP! Sweet!

Had enough? My fun paragraph is the new waterboarding, you say?

Hey, it is what it is.

-- Chris Weigant