With one week to go until the 2014 midterm elections, almost all of the punditocracy world is absolutely chomping at the bit for this cycle to already be over, so they can concentrate on the much-more-fun 2016 presidential election season. This is pretty obvious, with some media now swooning over Jeb Bush's possible candidacy and the Clintons out stumping for other Democrats (and being covered more in the news than the actual candidates).

This is because the punditocracy knows full well that the outcome of the upcoming election isn't going to matter all that much, in the grand scheme of things. Also, they know the public's pretty bored with midterms in general, and more than a little disgusted with Washington as a whole. Whether Harry Reid or Mitch McConnell is running the Senate, not a whole lot is expected to get done in the next two years. It'll either be stories of "House passes Republican bill, Senate passes Democratic bill, no compromise seen possible," or it'll be "Senate Democrats filibuster Republican House bill on floor, no compromise seen possible," or perhaps "Obama vetoes his 119th bill this year, no compromise seen possible." In terms of real-world outcomes, there is not a whole lot of difference between any of those, but those are really the only three possible results. This means that Washington might as well just shut down and go home for the next two years, and it also means the most exciting political storylines are going to come from the next presidential election.

Since everyone else seems to be doing it, since I had to post something before watching the sixth game of the World Series, and (most importantly) since it's the week before Hallowe'en, I thought I'd peer into my pundit's magic crystal ball for a prediction on what the storylines will be for the next year or so (through the end of primary season, at any rate) out on the 2016 campaign trail. I'll still (of course) be doing my annual spooktacular "nightmares for both sides" bedtime stories this Friday, but I thought I'd be just a wee bit more realistic (while still keeping tongue firmly in cheek), and take a crack at predicting the flow of storylines for the two upcoming nomination races. I may not get them all right (I may not get any of them right!), but I'd be willing to bet that I'll get more right than not. So, for those of you tired of 2014 already and who want a peek into the future, here's my guess for what the headlines will be during the two races, in rough chronological order (and in shorthand, because there are so many of them). Disagree? Let me know about it in the comments.

Democrats

Hillary Clinton is inevitable. All other Democrats would be fools to run, she's got the whole thing locked up already.

Hillary Clinton is the clear frontrunner, anyone else will have to fight even to get national name recognition in Hillary's shadow.

Hillary Clinton is a centrist. Just look at her husband's political record, and look at where she's been on progressive issues -- mostly a follower, not a leader.

Hillary Clinton is not a progressive. Several prominent progressives criticize Hillary's positions (or lack thereof) on a host of issues central to progressives' agenda.

Hillary Clinton is not a populist. Economic populism and solving the income and wealth gap is not part of who Hillary is. She is too close to Wall Street, big banks, and hedge fund managers, and is out-of-touch with the problems of Main Street.

Who else can the Democrats convince to run? There are quite a number of possible second-tier candidates who will likely mount campaigns in an effort to convince Hillary to name them her veep, when the time comes. But these candidates will not launch any frontal attacks on Clinton, because they're really shooting for the second spot on the ticket. Possible names: Martin O'Malley, one of the Castro brothers from Texas, Cory Booker, etc.

Hillary Clinton is inevitable. Nobody else can touch her. Her candidacy is an unstoppable freight train running downhill.

Lefties: "Oh, for the love of God, will anyone but Hillary please run?" Panic on the left edge, as Hillary says some nice things about hedge fund managers at a particularly inopportune moment.

Lefties: "Bernie Sanders? OK, well, I guess he'll do." Sanders officially announces as a Democratic candidate, promising to hold Hillary's feet to the populist fire.

Hillary moves slightly to the left. Realizing she's got to shore up the base, Hillary claims she was misunderstood about the hedge fund managers, and professes a new love for bringing back Glass-Steagall. She starts including income inequality in her stump speeches, but is vague about what she'd actually do about it.

Hillary has awkward moment on campaign trail. Not being anywhere near the natural politician her husband is, Hillary has a cringe-worthy moment trying to relate to an average voter on the campaign trail. Republicans pounce on it with glee.

Sexism rears its ugly head both on campaign trail and in media. Hillary criticized for how she looks by some "reporter" on national television. Too hot, not hot enough -- whatever the storyline, it'll be "Clinton has wardrobe malfunction" on one level or another. Sexism will also start to creep in from Republican candidates, as well.

Hillary is inevitable. Bernie Sanders is having lots of fun, but not drawing nearly enough actual voters to his message. Polling in Iowa, New Hampshire, and the other early states show clear double-digit lead for Hillary.

Hillary will be history-making campaign, first woman nominated to major party presidential ticket. This will be a recurring theme, all campaign long.

Bill says something funny while campaigning. Bubba won't be able to contain himself at some point, and let a knee-slapper rip. Democrats are delighted, and Republicans cry a river of crocodile tears over how faux-offended they are at Bill's joke. The media loves the whole fracas. Hillary takes Bill out to the woodshed, behind the scenes.

Hillary disagrees with Obama! This will also be a recurring theme, as Hillary paints herself as a "different sort of Democrat" than Barack Obama. She will have to walk a tightrope to do so, however, since whatever issues she chooses to differ on will anger at least part of the Democratic base. Still, watch for this to be a major story at least a few times during the campaign. It's pretty much inevitable.

Hillary makes her 2008 dream come true, and actually does lock up the Democratic nomination on Super Tuesday, and the rest of the primary season is precisely the easy ride she expected back then.

Republicans

The clown car enters center ring! Its door opens, under the spotlights...

Everybody decides to run! The field is flooded with candidates as all of the following decide to throw their hat into the ring: Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Jeb Bush, Paul Ryan, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Scott Walker, Dr. Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Rick Perry, Mike Pence, Rob Portman, Mitch Daniels, Carly Fiorina, John Kasich, and Donald Trump (but nobody takes him seriously, it should be added). Condoleezza Rice is begged to run, but wisely declines. Joe Scarborough thinks people are begging him to run, but he is mistaken. Sarah Palin announces a $199.95 "Election Coverage Dontcha Know" pay-per-view package, which features round-the-clock commentary by her whole family.

Will the Tea Party get their favorite candidate elected? The whole Tea Party / Establishment Republican civil war will be endlessly debated. Within each faction, the infighting will be brutal, as several vie for the "favorite" title.

Centrists from the Establishment wing pick their preferred candidate, who will go on to get no actual votes (think: Jon Huntsman). They will choose either Rob Portman, Mitch Daniels, or John Kasich, most likely.

Whichever candidate the Establishment chooses, the inside-the-Beltway crowd falls all over themselves to anoint this person as the inevitable Republican candidate for the nomination, since it is so patently obvious that he would be the best candidate for the general election. Immediately afterwards, the chosen candidate will sink in the polls, never to be heard from again.

The cage match in Iowa begins early. Fierce fighting over the straw poll is worth a month of stories, alone. The more extreme candidates all but move their entire operation to Iowa in the hopes of wowing the conservative Tea Party base.

Such fierce infighting in Iowa spills over the rest of the campaign, as the extremists force every other candidate far to the right. More moderate Republicans will try to out-do each other in staking out ever-more-radical positions. This will be a continuing and recurring theme throughout the Republican primary season.

The big money goes to both Chris Christie and Jeb Bush. The biggest bankrollers in the Republican Party line up behind the two candidates who would actually have a decent shot in the general election -- if they can only survive the primary cage match.

Rand Paul shakes the whole field up with some libertarian, out-of-the-mainstream-Republican position. The media focuses intently on one statement Paul makes during a speech, and begins pressing the rest of the GOP candidates to respond. Vitriol is heaped on Paul from all and sundry, but Paul's standings in the polls are not affected. Paul is holding around 15-20 percent steadily in the polls, and will continue to do so throughout the entire campaign -- never falling below this floor, but never climbing above this ceiling, either.

Everyone leads the race! Because there are simply so many choices in the field, no Republican can break 25 percent in the polls. One will rise, then fall back a bit as a new flavor-of-the-month appears. The "frontrunner" position will be held by numerous candidates in turn, each of whom will eventually falter in the spotlight and give way to the next guy (or gal) in line.

A side-race develops between Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Ted Cruz, Rick Perry, and Bobby Jindal for what might be called the "theocratic vote." Christian evangelicals are courted, and the candidates all try to top each other on who can be more biblical on social issues.

Even despite this smaller fracas, what is notable is how seldom gay marriage is mentioned by any of the Republican candidates. Stock responses will become: "I don't agree with the courts, but it's a settled issue," or "we've got bigger battles to fight," or "until we can pass a constitutional amendment, there's not much that can be done."

The first debate has 18 candidates on the stage. As a result, each candidate will get less than five minutes to speak. The public will not be impressed by the fiasco.

One candidate will attempt to make a name for himself by stating that he will be leading the push for the official Republican position on abortion to become an absolute: none, ever -- with no exceptions for rape, incest, or the health of the mother. The other candidates will be so frightened by this that they will all agree with it.

There will also be, during the early debates, an absolute stampede to the right on immigration and disparaging Latinos. Candidates with previously moderate positions on the issue (Bush, Rubio) will be the ones leading this stampede, in a desperate effort to rebut their previous positions. Bush will state that he didn't know his wife was a Latino when he married her (well, OK, that last one is a bit far-fetched, even I have to admit).

All Republicans will claim the economy is getting better because Wall Street heard they were running for president, and so the economic good news is all to their personal credit.

In the eighth debate, one candidate proposes resurrecting literacy tests for voting. No other candidate on the stage is brave enough to disagree, and all agree that it would be a fine idea for voting citizens to be well-educated. No candidate will publicly admit there is any sort of history attached to this, proclaiming "these are different literacy tests than the old ones!"

All Republican candidates will largely agree that everything that is good with Obamacare will continue, but that all the bad parts will be repealed. They will universally proclaim that this will happen because all the good stuff will magically pay for itself. None will ever answer any question that presupposes otherwise.

The 12th debate will only have 14 candidates on the stage, and some will only get 30 seconds to speak.

During this debate, the candidates will vie for who promises to cut Social Security more, although every single one of them will speak of such deep cuts as "saving Social Security."

Finally, Iowa and New Hampshire will vote, and each state will push four candidates forward. Between the two states, however, only two will overlap, leaving six who can claim some sort of "frontrunner" status.

It will be revealed that four or five of the Republican candidates are being essentially financed by a single billionaire donor each. This "battle of the billionaires" will eventually be shown to be meaningless, as the candidates chosen for such largess will all flame out in one way or another on the campaign trail.

South Carolina and Nevada will vote, but the number of frontrunners will actually increase.

The 15th debate has only eight candidates on stage. Finally, candidates get more than a single question each.

Former president George W. Bush will not be invited to campaign with any candidate, even his brother.

From Super Tuesday onwards, the attrition rate will become brutal, as the money dries up for multiple candidates (whether financed by traditional means or by a single billionaire who decides to cut his losses). The field is finally whittled down to three.

Unfortunately for the Tea Party, two of the three will be hardcore Tea Partiers, which serves to split the remaining states' votes.

The most well-financed of all the Republican field, Jeb Bush eventually becomes the nominee after "the most brutal primary season in the party's history," but (unfortunately for him) he will have been forced at that point to take several positions best described as "to the right of Attila the Hun." He will begin furiously tacking back to the center in preparation for the general election season.

-- Chris Weigant

Follow Chris on Twitter: @ChrisWeigant