Let The Snarking Begin
When the 2016 presidential campaign season began earlier this year, I started writing articles about every candidate when they officially announced their candidacies. I made a promise in many of these columns, that I would take each candidate seriously no matter what I personally thought their chances of winning were, or how much I agreed or disagreed with their platform. I promised not to be snarky, above all. I think that running for president is a serious business, and even though it does occasionally include what I would call "not really serious" candidates, I still wanted to give a measure of respect to each entrant to the race at the very start of their campaign. As I put it repeatedly, there will be plenty of time for being snarky later (usually on Fridays, of course).
But I did add one qualification, virtually every time I made my snark-free promise in the introduction to these articles. I promised a serious look at all new candidates, but I also warned I'd be likely to break my promise if Donald Trump entered the race (in fact, I already broke this promise back in February, by writing an article where I begged Trump to actually run). Because every man's got his limit as to how long he can stick to his principles, and the concept of "President Trump" would stretch mine to the breaking point, obviously. Today, Donald Trump entered the presidential race. Hence, the snark-free promise is declared null and void for today (it will be reinstated for the remaining entrants, never fear).
Donald Trump as president. Sure boggles the mind, don't it? Heh. Can't wait for him to try "You're fired!" with senators or Supreme Court justices -- that'd be a laugh riot! His campaign, as he would say, is "gonna be yuuuuuuuge!" Is America waiting for President Trump? Well, we're all surely about to find that out.
Trump has been teasing the media with a possible presidential run for over a decade now. He keeps threatening to get in the race, and then he decides at the last minute (after every possible iota of media attention has been duly milked) that he's not going to run after all. This time around, though, Trump has been giving signs that he was seriously going to jump in -- he hired some folks in Iowa and New Hampshire, and he's now given his version of his assets to the press (but not his tax returns, making his claims hard to verify). He has yet to actually file the necessary paperwork to be an official candidate, but this time around it looks like he's taking his publicity stunt a lot further than ever before.
Could Donald Trump win the presidency? Well, the sane answer is "not in a million, billion years," of course. American voters may at times be pretty stupid, but even the most cynical wouldn't believe that they'd be stupid enough to elect Donald Trump. I don't see any pathway to victory for "The Donald," either in the general election or even in the clown parade that is known as the Republican nomination process. It just ain't going to happen, folks.
Trump's candidacy is going to cause the Republican Party several problems, though. The first is that Trump will always be able to (pun definitely intended) trump every other Republican candidate in the "speaking off-the-cuff, and saying monumentally ridiculous things" category. Oh, sure, people like Newt Gingrich set the bar pretty high (or low, really) in years past, and it's undeniable that we've already got several people in the Republican race who seem to have mastered the art of "saying idiotic things" (Ben Carson immediately springs to mind), but Donald Trump is in a league of his own, really. This is going to set up a conundrum for the more serious Republican candidates: should they just ignore Trump's blathering, or should they respond when he truly goes over the edge? We'll see a partial answer to that question soon, as in his ad-libbed announcement today he has already called Mexican immigrants "rapists" and other nasty names. Will Jeb or Marco respond? We'll have to see, but this problem wouldn't even exist if Trump weren't in the running.
The second big problem for Republicans is that Trump is actually doing a lot better in the polling than several much more plausible candidates -- including the only woman. Granted, this is the difference between pulling in four percent and pulling in one percent, so it's kind of splitting hairs (please feel free to insert your own "Trump's hair" joke here), but this is going to become a distinction with a difference very soon. The first televised debate between the Republicans already has a cutoff line. Only the top 10 candidates in the recent polls will be invited to the debate.
Trump is currently polling in ninth place.
This puts him on the stage. In tenth place currently is Rick Perry, who may also make it to the first debate. But -- if the polling holds steady (which it likely won't, polls swing wildly up and down in the early days) -- the following people will not make the cut (in the order they're polling currently, highest to lowest): Rick Santorum, Carly Fiorina, John Kasich, Lindsey Graham, and Bobby Jindal. Now, granted, Kasich and Jindal haven't even announced yet, so they may move upwards if and when they make their runs official. But that is a list which includes two governors and two senators who won't be in a debate that features Donald Trump. That, to put it mildly, is a problem for the Republican National Committee. An even bigger problem is the exclusion of Carly Fiorina, since (as I mentioned) she's the only Republican woman in the race. The optics of leaving all of these candidates out and letting Trump spout nonsense on a Republican debate stage are pretty darn terrible.
The 2016 Republican presidential nomination race will go down in history as the "Why not me?" contest, no matter who wins it. Normally, this is a disease that only afflicts every member of the Senate. There aren't many senators who don't look in the mirror and see presidential material beaming back at them, to put this another way. But in the 2016 contest, this disease seems to be spreading fast.
I guess a case could be made that a real estate mogul and shameless media whore could indeed launch a viable presidential campaign. We've already got a brain surgeon and a failed tech executive in the race, so why not a New York guy who owns a lot of buildings with his name on them? Well, whatever shred of plausibility that reasoning may have goes right out the window when you replace "a real estate mogul" with "Donald Trump."
Trump is certainly going to make a lot of people happy with his run. They are mainly employed as gag writers for late night comedy shows, in fact. Many pundits (most of them on the left side of things) will also be overjoyed at the prospect of a Trump candidacy, because the Trump articles just write themselves, really.
It's not just me, in other words. The most obvious prediction in politics is a direct result of Donald Trump's presidential entry: "There will be snark." Oh, my, will there be snark. Yes, indeedy, it will be a snarktastic experience for all. It will in fact be downright snarkadelic. Or, to put it another way, welcome to the ranks of the Republican presidential candidates, Donald Trump!
-- Chris Weigant
Follow Chris on Twitter: @ChrisWeigant
At least we know who Donald Trump's billionaire backer is. He is beholden to no one but himself. Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
The Donald is a performance artist and I find him irresistible for that reason alone. I'm going to register (R) so that I can vote in the GOP primary and I'm going to hope that he hangs in there so that I can vote for him. No path to victory? You underestimate the appeal of a needy narcissistic game show host. Victoria Jackson as his VP would be a game changer. My fingers are crossed.
Trump/Jackson 2016 - Somebody's got to stop JEB from speaking Mexican in public.
We got a thousand points of light for the homeless man
We got a kinder, gentler, machine gun hand
We got department stores and toilet paper
Got styrofoam boxes for the ozone layer
Got a man of the people, says keep hope alive
Got fuel to burn, got roads to drive.
Keep on rockin' in the free world
- Neil Young
At least we know who Donald Trump's billionaire backer is. He is beholden to no one but himself. Wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Ever see Time Cop?? :D
As for Trump as POTUS, I said it best here:
http://www.chrisweigant.com/2015/06/15/jeb/#comment-60383
Michale
Trump more than meets the high standards set for a
Presient:
A natural-born citizen.
Still breathing forr 35 or mor years..
A resident of the USA for at least 14 years.
Too bad we'll never get to see what happens when the marsupial on his head encounders the downwash of Marine One.
Deep down, some Americans want a King. Some want a Clown. Trump's a twofer.
Victoria Jackson as his VP would be a game changer.
Actually, Trump has mentioned having Oprah as his running mate..
Be careful how you respond to that. You don't want to be accused of the R-word, eh?? :D
I honestly don't understand the Left's perspective on Trump...
At least he has actually accomplished something..
No one can point to a Clinton accomplishment.. Unless it was dodging sniper fire in Bosnia....
I mean, who really is the clown???
Michale
If Trump can run for President, why not a Kardashian also? They're just as good at making money and generating a media spectacle.
CW - I don't see any pathway to victory for "The Donald..."
How 'bout everybody else in the US dies and Trump remembers to vote?
JFC - 2
Trump as performance artist. Good point, and more self absorbed than the persona of Miranda, of Miranda Sings. Miranda (Colleen Ballinger) is funnier though.
JFC - 4
Trump's respect for intellectual property on display. A common failing of Republican candidates.
What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine too. Sue his ASCAP off Neil!!!!
Trump's web site has a donate button!!!! Really!!!! If you press that button and make a donation, the sad trumpet plays in the Trump fer Prez boiler room. Sucker. A new definition for chutzpah! I think there is an annual banquet for this. If not, there should be. Oh, wait, I forgot about Trump University. Trump has already trumped himself.
Trump tosses his hair into the ring. He's like a Bizzaro Teddy Roosevelt: Speak loudly and act like a big dick. There is nothing quite so unbecoming as a rich heir whining.
M -7 Oprah as running mate. Has Oprah actually been asked? Thurston Howell III is a much better match. Dead, but if the dead can vote, then they can certainly run for VP.
If Trump can run for President, why not a Kardashian also?
Trump's claim to fame is being richer than god and actually EARNING his wealth..
Kardashian's claim to fame is a sex tape...
But yer probably right..
The Left would flock to a Kardashian candidacy big time...
:D
Michale
I don't see any pathway to victory for "The Donald," either in the general election...
He would just have to run against Martha Coakley. I don't think Hillary is quite at Coakley's level of loserhood, but I do think she has massive built-in liabilities for the general.
As for the primaries, I can't say. I can't work up any enthusiasm for studying the other side's also-rans.
A must watch parody by Stephen Colbert
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=22&v=OFVC3qYGYiE
Now that's how snark is done. We are not worthy SC.
John From Arcadia [1] -
Hey, worked for H. Ross Perot, right?
Heh.
John From Censornati [2] -
Ooooh, now THERE's a good idea! Victoria Jackson would, in fact, be a PERFECT running mate for Trump. She'd be a better match than Sarah Palin, even.
JFC [4] -
"Ain't singin' for Pepsi
Ain't singin' for Coke
I don't sing for nobody
Makes me look like a joke
This note's for you.
Ain't singin' for Miller
Don't sing for Bud
I won't sing for politicians
Ain't singin' for Spuds
This note's for you."
-- Neil Young
:-)
Besides, he's for Bernie (but, being Canadian, doesn't get to vote).
Michale [7] -
Yeah, I heard that too. Cue Oprah echoing Neil Young's sentiments towards Trump, in 3... 2... 1...
Heh.
John M [8] -
Or Paris Hilton, maybe, who is famous for being famous? Oh, wait, she's probably not old enough yet...
TheStig [9] -
How 'bout everybody else in the US dies and Trump remembers to vote?
OK, ya got me. That indeed would be a path to victory. I'd even expand it to "everybody not named Trump in the US dies..." since he could probably get his family to vote for him. Well, maybe not ex-wives, but then they'd have changed their name, right?
Heh.
Trump as performance artist. Good point, and more self absorbed than the persona of Miranda, of Miranda Sings. Miranda (Colleen Ballinger) is funnier though.
Wait, was that a Miranda warning?
(couldn't resist)
Trump tosses his hair into the ring.
DING DING DING! We have a winner in the "post a Trump hair joke" contest... nice use of "heir" too...
:-)
As for veep, how about C. Montgomery Burns for veep? Fictional people should qualify for office if Donald Trump can run for president, right?
Michale [10] -
Kardashian earned every dollar she made off her sex tape. Unless you're saying she hired a double or something. So what's your beef?
OK, enough free-range snark for now...
-CW
Kardashian earned every dollar she made off her sex tape.
Yea????
So do hookers...
But I am not advocating a hooker run for POTUS as JM did :D
Michale
Or Paris Hilton, maybe, who is famous for being famous? Oh, wait, she's probably not old enough yet...
Another who's only claim to fame is a sex tape..
EMPOWER WOMEN!!! DO A SEX TAPE!!!
:^/
Michale
Oh come now Michale, I thought you would say that most politicians are prostitutes anyway! :-D
Or, let me put it another way. They start out by giving you a huge come on, they make you a lot of promises they don't intend to keep, they take as much of your money as they can get away with, and they finish by screwing you. How is that really different from any POTUS? :-D
Oh come now Michale, I thought you would say that most politicians are prostitutes anyway! :-D
OK, ya got me on that one.. :D
Or, let me put it another way. They start out by giving you a huge come on, they make you a lot of promises they don't intend to keep, they take as much of your money as they can get away with, and they finish by screwing you. How is that really different from any POTUS?
"Touche salesman."
-Peter Griffin
:D
Michale
Palin and her horde of internet parrots believe that The Donald is successful and it's hard to argue with that. He has successfully dumped his debts on somebody else on several occasions through bankruptcy proceedings. It's hard to understand why anyone would lend a deadbeat billionaire any money and yet . . .
It's hard to understand why anyone would lend a deadbeat billionaire any money
Probably because they know that he is.... SUCCESSFUL...
I can give you 9 billion reasons why...
Only the Looney Left would think that Trump hasn't been successful...
Probably because the Left identifies "successful" quite differently than normal Americans..
In their eyes, Obama's POTUSency has been "successful"....
Michale
Since we are racking up problems for the Republicans how about Caitlyn Jenner as Trump's running mate? Better than a Kardashian with the added bonus if they somehow succeeded there would still be Kardashians hanging around the white house...
"how about Caitlyn Jenner?"
He has invited her to be a Miss USA pageant judge. Maybe it's an audition for The Supremes. That would be yooj and classy & beautiful too.
I don't really care if Republicans like him or not. I only care that they tell pollsters that they do. Now that Sarah has spoon-fed the illiterati a Trump as victim meme, I sincerely hope they're seething with resentment regarding the Trumpsnark. The quality of the debates will improve if they can keep some of these fake candidates like [Carly> off the stage.
I wonder how Rant Paul is feeling about having somebody on stage at the debates with weirder hair than his own.
Glenn Beck said “Donald Trump coming in and doing this to the Republicans is going to make all of us look ridiculous. Anybody who is a conservative, we are going to look absolutely like clowns.”
That's right. Glenn Beck said that. LOL! I saw the video.
Again with the clown image..
You don't become as rich as god by being a clown...
True or False??
True
Michale
False
Milton Berle
False
Carol Burnett
False
Eddie Murphy
False
Krusty
Want a good job, get a good clown college education. Or have a rich papa.
CW, all-
I've enjoyed Snarknado week.
False
Milton Berle
False
Carol Burnett
False
Eddie Murphy
False
Krusty
Any one of those worth 9 Billion??
No??? Then what's yer point??? :D
Want a good job, get a good clown college education. Or have a rich papa.
If Trump had a rich papa then you would have a point..
But he don't so ya don't... :D
I've enjoyed Snarknado week.
Oooooo nice one.... :D
Michale
M-30
Look up Fred Trump. He was a major real estate developer in the NYC region. Made his money in post WWII rental housing. Built 27,000 units of it. Not flashy, plenty profitable. Left an estate valued in the 100's of millions. Handed over the management of his real estate company to son Donald. Donald did not work his way through private school or college. Donald was born and raised rich. He got richer. He got much flashier than Fred.
http://www.nytimes.com/1999/06/26/nyregion/fred-c-trump-postwar-master-builder-of-housing-for-middle-class-dies-at-93.html
Are saying Fred is not his father? Mama Trump was schtupping the chauffeur?
M - 30
Berle was making 1 million a year from his variety show in the 1950s. Not rich?
Burnett is currently worth in the tens of millions and her peak earnings were in the 60's 70's. Not rich?
Murphy is reported to worth in the range of 85 million. Not rich?
Sharknado was rather good, heh, heh.
Look up Fred Trump. He was a major real estate developer in the NYC region. Made his money in post WWII rental housing. Built 27,000 units of it. Not flashy, plenty profitable. Left an estate valued in the 100's of millions. Handed over the management of his real estate company to son Donald. Donald did not work his way through private school or college. Donald was born and raised rich. He got richer. He got much flashier than Fred.
Did Donald inherit his wealth??
Or did he earn his wealth???
Berle was making 1 million a year from his variety show in the 1950s. Not rich?
Burnett is currently worth in the tens of millions and her peak earnings were in the 60's 70's. Not rich?
Murphy is reported to worth in the range of 85 million. Not rich?
Not as rich as god..
9 Billion??
THAT is as rich as god.. :D
Michale
M-32
Did Donald inherit his wealth??
Or did he earn his wealth???
My comment is clear but let me restate the premise with a bit of amplification. Like each sib, he inherited 35 million. Unlike the others, he inherited a real estate machine, up and making money.
It's easy to look good in a 400 m finish when you get to start at the 300 m mark. Even if you stumble early on.
But, if raw wealth is yer benchmark, than Forbes doesn't even rank Trump in the top 100! That's Top 100 US, Trump's not even worthy of mention in World Class Division. Why pick from the back of the pack? Go for Bill Gates, winner of the Forbes unlimited (legacy assisted) USA division.
OK, so there is some dispute as to how exactly he acquired his wealth..
I still maintain that a person doesn't get to be as rich as he is by being a clown...
But, in light of your argument, I will add the following..
Unless he is paid to be a clown...
Happy??? :D
Seriously, it's like all the claims from the Hysterical Left that George Bush is so dumb...
You don't get to be THAT successful by being dumb...
Calling George Bush dumb or calling Donald Trump a clown is nothing.. repeat.. NOTHING.... but partisan ideological slavery talking...
That's my story and I am sticking to it.. :D
Michale
TheStig [27] -
Don't forget Bozo. The guy behind the Bozo mask (forget his name) actually did run for president, back in the 1980s (Reagan era). His campaign slogan, if memory serves, was: "Let's put a REAL clown in the White House!" Classic...
As for [28] -
"Snarknado week" got a big laugh from me...
:-)
TheStig [30] -
You forgot one thing. The Donald's dad was actually Christ. Yep, "Frederick Christ Trump". No lie. The jokes just write themselves, folks...
-CW
Don't forget Bozo. The guy behind the Bozo mask (forget his name) actually did run for president, back in the 1980s (Reagan era). His campaign slogan, if memory serves, was: "Let's put a REAL clown in the White House!" Classic...
I was going to mention Bozo The Clown..
But then I figured he was only some L.A. regional celebrity (like Hobo Kelley) and wouldn't be well known outside of the area...
Guess I was wrong. :D
Michale