Two Spooktacular Tales Of Spine-Chilling Horror, For Right And Left
After being too despondent last year to write a Hallowe'en column (which is understandable, since the reality of the situation -- with Trump possibly about to win a second term -- was so horrendously scary I found I just couldn't top it), we return this year with our slate of annual tales of horror, for those on both the right and the left.
So sit down, imagine me holding a flashlight under my chin in a darkened room or campsite somewhere, and let me terrify you right down to your toes.
One technical note before we begin, I thought the Jack O'Lanterns turned out decently this year, although for the first one, I could obviously have chosen a different subject matter (from the title alone, really). But that would have meant it couldn't have turned out "decently," so I chose a map of Virginia instead. The second one is pretty self-evident, though.
So again, sit back, relax, and prepare to be horrified and frightened half out of your wits (by my two spine-chilling scenarios to make people on both sides of the aisle go screaming into the night).
And I hope everyone has a safe and happy Hallowe'en this weekend!
Democratic Nightmare -- Team S & M
Senators Kyrsten Sinema and Joe Manchin simply cannot be budged in the negotiations over the Build Back Better bill. They keep making more and more new demands, slashing everything worthwhile in the bill to the absolute bone (or jettisoning them altogether) until it gets to the point that even Joe Biden gives up on "compromise." The sad reality is that what the tabloid papers start calling "Team S & M" has never been interested in seeing this bill pass in any form, which they finally make clear to everyone.
Because the Build Back Better bill collapses, the progressives take their own revenge by tanking the bipartisan infrastructure bill that Sinema was instrumental in negotiating. Which means congressional Democrats have spent roughly the past six or eight months accomplishing absolutely nothing.
The first fallout from this legislative wreckage is that Terry McAuliffe loses his race to become Virginia's governor once again. This is darkly held up by all as a harbinger of the absolute collapse of the Democratic Party, and for once the doomsayers appear to be right. Team S & M not only refuse to even consider the Build Back Better bill, they also make it crystal-clear that none of Biden's other priorities will be passing any time soon since both Sinema and Manchin refuse to budge even one tiny bit from their devoted worship of the Senate filibuster rules. This means no voting rights bill, obviously, and it also means that roughly half of the platform Joe Biden ran on will just not be happening at all -- at least until after the midterms.
Democrats in Congress essentially sleepwalk through 2022, unable to pass more than the most-crucial budget bills, each of which is no more than a continuing resolution to continue previous spending. Nothing else happens at all in the Senate, other than a few more of Biden's nominees to various federal jobs being confirmed. Which is pretty thin political gruel to bring to the voters in an election year.
Democrats essentially have nothing to run on in the midterms. Their spin doctors attempt to make some political hay with slogans like: "Elect more Democrats and then we'll really get some good stuff done -- just you wait and see! No, really! We promise!"
Obviously, this is all rather pathetic. And the voters are not impressed in the least by it.
When we finally get to next year's midterms, Democrats get slaughtered. They lose 12 seats in the Senate and the GOP picks up an astonishing 49 seats in the House. Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy take the reins of control.
Nancy Pelosi immediately announces her retirement, to the glee of Republicans everywhere. Team S & M announce they will be quitting the Democratic Party and joining the Republicans.
With Congress firmly in control of the GOP, absolutely nothing gets done for two years beyond the bare minimum. But they're not sitting idle, since they open 92 separate investigations into Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, the Biden administration, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, and too many other Democrats to even list here. Republicans also open investigations into anything they think will tarnish Democrats, including (but not limited to) the Afghanistan pullout, the southern border, inflation, supply chain problems, all the social media companies, and (for good measure... why not?) Benghazi.
Conspiracy theories are given full credence by these investigatory committees, and the most obnoxious Republicans are put in charge of the most prominent of them. This guarantees plenty of soundbites for each and every news cycle out of Washington.
President Joe Biden visibly crumbles. His dreams have been dashed. His belief that either bipartisanship, or (at the very least) compromise within his own party's ranks is not only possible but downright inevitable now looks nothing short of downright delusional.
Biden gets worse and worse as time goes by. He starts having so many blatant "senior moments" that his staff keeps him far away from any journalist. Everyone expects him to announce he will not seek a second term, but he surprises the country by insisting that he's going to win re-election. Sadly, he does eke out the nomination (mostly because all the other prominent Democrats are too demoralized to even run), while Donald Trump becomes his Republican opponent once again.
Biden loses the 2024 election, badly.
Which goes down in the history books as "The Last American Election," as Donald Trump and his gang of thugs institute full-on fascism across the land. Trump declares a state of emergency which means no more elections until he says so, and Trump also declares himself "President-For-Life." He then orders the Pentagon to attack any protests against him with "shoot to kill" orders. Protesters are rounded up and sent to re-education camps, from which they never emerge again.
Team S & M retire comfortably, buoyed by hundreds of millions of dollars from both industry and thankful Republicans.
America enters its Dark Age.
Republican Nightmare -- Lock Him Up!
As 2022 begins, Donald Trump shows every sign of jumping in the race for the Republican presidential nomination, although he never actually comes out and says it directly (due to campaign finance regulations). This has been his plan, obviously, ever since he was kicked out of the White House by the American people, so it's no real change. Trump hits the midterm campaign trail in support of his favored candidates and, each time, performs his "golden oldies hits" (composed of ranting endlessly about the Big Lie, complaining about having the election "stolen" away from him, and heaps of pure vitriol directed at anyone and everyone who didn't act to change reality to his liking).
But then a strange thing happens. One day while exiting Trump Tower in New York City and moving towards a waiting limo, Trump is heckled by a crowd of people who keep taunting him with shouts of: "Loser!" and loud and scornful laughter.
Trump freaks out, in a rage. He turns to one of his Secret Service agents and grabs the guy's gun from his holster. The agent immediately reacts and tries to either wrestle the gun out of Trump's grasp or incapacitate Trump so he can't do anything with it.
Trump turns the agent's own gun on him and shoots him through the chest. The agent dies almost instantaneously, shot straight through the heart.
Trump then points the gun at the mocking protesters and gets one more round off before being slammed to the ground by the rest of his Secret Service detail. Luckily for all concerned, the bullet isn't even close and flies over everyone's head and buries itself in the front of Trump Tower.
Trump collapses into a screaming fit of anger, gibbering and frothing at the mouth. He is held down on the sidewalk of Fifth Avenue, unceremoniously hogtied, and thrown rather brutally in the back seat of the waiting limo. The agents get in, it speeds off, and it heads directly to the nearest federal lockup.
News of his arrest spreads immediately. It turns out every action taken by Trump was recorded by 72 different video cameras, from 72 different angles. These best of these clips are played on the news in an almost-continuous loop. The dead agent is memorialized by the media as well, since he was cut down in his prime (leaving a wife, three small children, and two adorable puppies behind).
The nation (well, most of the nation at any rate) is aghast. There is just no possible way to spin the fact that Trump quite obviously murdered a federal agent in cold blood, with his own weapon. We can all plainly see it, right there on the videos.
Trump, of course, has a different version of events. He starts getting his insane interpretation out from his jail cell by means of his visiting family. Don Junior insists (against all visual evidence to the contrary) that this was a clear-cut case of self-defense. In the first place, he baldly states, those protesters were probably Antifa. Or Hillary Clinton supporters. Or B.L.M. Or ISIS. Or the controllers of the Jewish space lasers. Or maybe the pedophiles that secretly run the government, who knows? They needed to be shot, in other words, for the betterment of all society. In the second place, Lil' Donnie insists (while wiping white powder off his upper lip), that the agent was obviously coming at his father with evil intent and therefore was fair game because... uh, the Second Amendment or something... (it's kind of hard to follow his "logic").
Trump is swiftly arraigned in federal court, charged with one count of murdering a federal agent. The attorney general of New York piles on with additional charges (reckless endangerment and attempted murder), but the federal case will take precedence.
Bail is flat-out denied. Trump will stay locked up until the trial is over.
Trump's MAGA followers react predictably, with conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory in a rather pathetic attempt to explain why what everyone saw with their own eyes is somehow not the truth.
A few stalwart Republican politicians turn against Trump, but for the most part the GOP bigwigs remain silent. "Donald Trump must have his day in court," they piously pontificate -- profiles in cowardice, all.
In an absolute stunning reversal of his usual legal tactics, Trump instructs his legal team (which does not include Rudy Giuliani, even though Trump really wanted him to lead the team, since Rudy has already lost his license to practice law) to make sure the trial happens as swiftly as possible. There will be no endless appeals, motions, delays, and other time-wasting nonsense this time around. There's an obvious reason for this complete change in strategy for Trump, because this time he will sit in jail in the meantime. So why should he want to prolong that experience?
Trump releases a lengthy statement to the press (through his lawyers) where he lays out his defense, excoriates the "partisan witch-hunt" against him (it is revealed that the Secret Service agent once registered as a Democratic voter), and rants and raves about too many unrelated subjects to even mention.
The media quickly slap on the label: "The 'I could shoot anyone on Fifth Avenue' defense," which is a pretty accurate way to put it.
The judge in the case quickly schedules a psychological assessment of Trump, based on this public statement. Trump is seen by five different psychologists, each of whom comes to almost exactly the same conclusion: Donald J. Trump is a megalomaniac with narcissistic personality disorder, but he was certainly sane enough to know what he did was wrong. Trump's lawyers announce Trump will not challenge this conclusion, because doing so would require him to mount an 'insanity defense,' which Trump would never agree to.
Within mere months, Trump's trial takes place. He obviously is confident he will beat the rap, with plenty of time left over to run for president again.
The prosecution consists of nothing more than playing each and every one of the 72 different videos (all from different angles) to the jury. Trump's defense is an incoherent mix of tommyrot, balderdash, and lunacy.
The jury takes a whole 12 minutes to deliberate, and then files back in and returns a guilty verdict. Trump is quickly sentenced to 20 years in federal prison, which (due to his age) equates to a life sentence.
Trump, of course, continues to insist he did nothing wrong. His numerous appeals fail, one by one, and the Supreme Court refuses to hear any of them (much to Trump's disgust).
When the trial is over, all the timid and cowardly Republican politicians finally feel confident enough to denounce Trump's actions as they attempt to move the party away from him entirely.
Trump's supporters, however, consider this a massive betrayal. Republican voter turnout in the midterm elections craters, and Democrats pick up 12 seats in the Senate and a whopping 49 in the House. Joe Biden finally is able to get done what he really wanted to do, while pointedly ignoring Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema.
Biden announces towards the end of 2023 that he will not be running for re-election and the scramble for the Democratic nomination begins in earnest. Kamala Harris assumes she'll be the chosen one, while Bernie Sanders declines to run -- but in a surprise outcome, Elizabeth Warren handily wins the nomination.
Trump, meanwhile, runs for the GOP nomination from his jail cell. This stuns the public, but there's no law against it and indeed it has even happened twice before (see: Lyndon LaRouche and Eugene Debs).
Although plenty of Republicans jump into the race, thinking Trump will have no chance, Trump easily defeats them in primary after primary and walks away with the GOP nomination once again. He acceptance speech to the Republican National Convention is delivered from his federal jail cell.
Sane Republicans, meanwhile, break away en masse to form the "Sanity Party" and nominate Mike Pence.
On Election Day 2024, Trump pulls in 28 percent, Pence manages 14 percent, and Warren walks away with a very impressive 57 percent of the popular vote. She wins 498 Electoral College votes, and becomes Joe Biden's successor. She immediately begins improving on Biden's now-admirable progressive record.
America enters what later becomes known as "The Golden Age of the Twenty-First Century," while MAGA heads explode across the entire nation.
Have a happy Hallowe'en everyone!
-- Chris Weigant
Follow Chris on Twitter: @ChrisWeigant
Well, I have to admit I like the second one better!
But artistically speaking, it's far less believable, all the fun involving the infamous "Fifth Avenue" quote aside. Call me a pessimist, but I found #1 extremely scary and depressing, because (of the two) it's easily the more likely one.
Thanks for this! Happy Halloween, and try reading Allan Nevins' "Come Nineveh, Come Tyre" someday. It's the political novel from the late 50s, by a master of the genre, which ends with the US, led by a wimpy liberal president, unconditionally surrendering to the Soviet Union. The final page features Soviet brigades landing at all the major US airports to take control of the country. Top that with your #1's fascist coup, if you will...
red dawn?
Heh.
CW
Team S & M announce they will be quitting the Democratic Party and joining the Republicans.
^^^ Okay then. Astonishingly, you had me up until here. ^^^
"S & M" have their faults and all, like everyone else with a pulse, but what kind of self-respecting politician with two brain cells would actually book passage on the Trumptanic at this point? Your Virginia resembles an iceberg.
CW
The nation (well, most of the nation at any rate) is aghast. There is just no possible way to spin the fact that Trump quite obviously murdered a federal agent in cold blood, with his own weapon. We can all plainly see it, right there on the videos.
^^^ Lost me here on this one. ^^^
Dozens of videos? Ha! Fox News notifies the gullible rubes regarding the "false flag." Fox reports how their Worship just mercifully killed a member of the "deep state" who had terminal cancer.
Next. ;)
After being too despondent last year to write a Hallowe'en column (which is understandable, since the reality of the situation -- with Trump possibly about to win a second term -- was so horrendously scary I found I just couldn't top it) ...
Ah, ye of so little faith. :)
EM
London
While both of these scenarios is entertaining, they aren't particularly scary. Both posit terrible things happening after 2022.
Here's a scenario that could happen tomorrow:
A Democratic Senator in a 'red' state dies unexpectedly. For fun, let's make her Sen. Sinema of Arizona. Gov Ducey immediately appoints a Republican to serve until a special election can be held. For fun, let's make her Sen. Kelli Ward.
The Republicans in the U S Senate immediately demand that the gavel be handed over to the Republicans. But in a stunning decision, they choose Sen. Ron Johnson of Wisconsin as their new leader (hoping that this will guarantee his re-election in 2022.) Democrats refuse to play along, so the Republicans run to the Supreme Court, which issues a 'shadow docket' ruling siding with the Republicans.
I won't continue this scenario, but let your imagination run wild about what happens to 'Build Back Better', the 2022 funding bills, etc.
The sad thing is that scenario 1 is extremely likely. We’re watching it unfold right now. Scenario 2 requires Donald Trump to actually shoot someone.
Perhaps a better Republican nightmare might involve Mitch McConnell having to finally resign because of that mysterious health condition that made his hands turn purple awhile back. Democratic Kentucky governor Andy Bashear immediately appoints Progressive Charles Booker to the seat.
Susan Collins, no longer having Mitch McConnell around to pull her strings suffers a rare moment of self-reflection. She cites her reason for resigning that she could no longer live with herself after voting to put anti-choice justice Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court. Democratic Maine Governor Janet Mills appoints Progressive Betsy Sweet to replace Collins.
Suddenly, Manchin and Sinema become totally irrelevant. The Democrats in the Senate pass the original $3.5 billion reconciliation bill because none of the other corporatist Dems want their voters to see them opposing this in an election year. The bill now lowers the Medicare age to 55 and gets rid of all copayments and deductibles. And it includes hearing, vision, dental and home care. It allows the government to negotiate drug prices. It also includes more robust environmental provisions.
By now Chuck Schumer has decided to replace the Parliamentarian, so the new bill includes a Path to Citizenship and a Living Wage.
The Senators ditch the Filibuster altogether. They pass a more muscular Voting Rights bill than the one Joe Manchin watered down. DC Statehood becomes a reality along with 2 more Democratic Senators.
The Senate passes the Sanders’ No-More-Billionaires act which restores tax rates to what they were under Eisenhower and taxes Capital Gains at the same rate as income taxes. It includes a financial transaction tax and while it lowers the payroll tax rate, it removes the cap on income taxed. There’s now enough money available to improve social security and expand Medicare even more (and pay for free college tuition).
When the Supreme Court declares the ridiculous Texas Abortion Law constitutional, Joe Biden finally gets over his reluctance to reform the courts. He signs a law that doubles the size of every court in the country including the Supreme Court. And in the interest of real balance, he avoids appointing prosecutors or corporate lawyers to any of the new seats. When the Mississippi Abortion law gets on the docket, the newly constituted court reaffirms Roe v. Wade and the US House of Representatives responds by also making it the law of the land. The Senate follows.
No longer able to gerrymander, a whole lot of red states turn blue in the midterm elections because Americans are waking up to a reality that government can work for them. More and more of the Americans who’d been listening to right-wing hate radio turn it off and start looking for more meaningful ways to participate in civic life.
Manchin and Symema are no longer necessary to preserve the Democratic majority in the Senate. They both resign to become corporate lobbyists. And then, the Senate passes the Warren No-More-Revolving-Door bill that imposes a retroactive 10-year moratoriums on any US legislator becoming a lobbyist after leaving government!
Thanks for that, Taztunes! As you say, wildly optimistic but probably less unlikely than the former president actually shooting a cop on TV. (And as has already been commented, with all apologies to Chris' sense of humor and imagination, it's very easy to imagine Trump's base forgiving him even that level of criminality, with the assistance of the right-wing echo chamber media.)
Happy Halloween!
I found These hilariously scary Jack O'Lanterns on reddit...
Bashii
14
Heh.
Mr. Blue Sky
Interesting new version. Couldn't wait. :)
:-)
These are scary pumpkins:
https://www.indy100.com/viral/maternity-ward-dilation-pumpkin-viral-b1944135
Wrong blog.
Is the Democratic pumpkin supposed to be an iceberg, formerly immovable but now, melting with abandon?
Oh, well ...
Like how you have Biden crumbling under the pressure and having 'senior moments'... right, left and center. Kind of takes the fun right out of it for me. :( It would have been pretty scary without that bit.
As for the Republican pumpkin ... Lock Him Up! Love it!
But,
As 2022 begins, Donald Trump shows every sign of jumping in the race for the Republican presidential nomination, although he never actually comes out and says it directly (due to campaign finance regulations),
is a bit hilarious, no? I mean, Trump following regulations? Heh. Wouldn't that be the opposite of scary?
Elizabeth Warren handily wins the nomination.
Okay, now THAT is beyond scary. BOO! hoo hoo.
Sane Republicans, meanwhile, break away en masse to form the "Sanity Party" and nominate Mike Pence.
Priceless.
On Election Day 2024, Trump pulls in 28 percent, Pence manages 14 percent, and Warren walks away with a very impressive 57 percent of the popular vote.
That may be a nightmare for the Republicans but, it's pretty scary for most of the rest of us, too. And, so Biden's record looks good only after Warren succeeds him. Nice gratuitous jab. Ahem. Hey, wait a second! Does she actually win the electoral college vote? Hmmmm?? Ahem. Hehehehehehehehe
That was fun!
And, very soon, the fun continues ... but, in a different way! :)
Happy Hallowe'en, everyone and welcome to another CW Sunday Night Music Festival and Dance Party!
On this scary night, for some reason, I just feel like ... dancing? Oh, wait ... that was last week!
I like to keep my promises whenever possible so, for my part tonight, it'll be Vancouver rock groups from the 60s to 80s with a few other gems thrown in for good measure.
If I said it once, I must have said it a million times by now - Vancouver in the sixties through eighties was the place to be, musically speaking, bar none, where "every night was a runaway train!"
Looking forward to hearing everyone's selections tonight!
For my part, I'll start with Zingo, a band that has quickly become one of my favourites from that era or any era!
Venusian Lights
Heart is known as an American rock band but, the first real success for Heart came while they were living in Vancouver and recording at Can-Base studios (Mushroom Studios). Dreamboat Annie, their debut studio album was released first in Canada (1975) by Mushroom Records.
So, we like to think of Heart as, ah, Canadian content!
Here are two of my favourites ...
Magic Man
Crazy On You
Since world leaders this week will meet the challenge of climate change and save the planet, PRiSM's first climate apocalypse song seems now to be a bit, oh, I dunno, quaint.
Heh.
Take Me To The Kaptin
And, here is my favourite cover version of this PRiSM classic, released just last year by Parallel 49 - United We Rock!
Written by Bryan Adams and Jim Vallance (Prism), here is Cuts Like A Knife
Bryan was a smart guy to hang around PRiSM in those great early years...and here is PRiSM's You Walked Away Again, penned by Bryan Adams!
My favourite BA tune is Lonely Nights, written by Bryan Adams and Jim Vallance.
And, here is my favourite cover version, once again by Parallel 49 - United We Rock!
More greatness from Zingo!
Merry Go Round
Keith Scott of Zingo fame went on to join up with Bryan Adams for the recording of Cuts Like A Knife and have been been performing together ever since ...
Elizabeth Miller
26
Written by Bryan Adams and Jim Vallance (Prism), here is Cuts Like A Knife
Those two?
Bryan Adams - Summer Of '69
Zingo released an album in 2016 in an effort to keep their songs alive. I play mine all the time.
You can get yours here.
Kick,
Love Summer of '69. Bryan and Jim wrote this one, too!
here's a little something i've been working on today...
and here's the original, obviously...
thoughts?
nypoet22
32
Fell asleep last night.
This is awesome! :)
nypoet22
32
thoughts?
On second thought; I do have another thought (besides it being awesome, of course): It's exactly what Benedict Arnold did.
*
Benedict Donald has proven without doubt that we pegged him perfectly over the years. Every word. Sadly.
@kick,
The real Benedict Arnold waded through Canada in winter and took a bullet before deciding that maybe he'd earned a little remuneration.
JL
So true... a twice wounded left leg, losing his ability to walk normally because of his permanent limp... while our modern-day "been a dick" is a con, criminal, and grifter who is so much a cowardly snowflake and narcissistic wuss that he can't even take losing an election.
Interestingly, George Washington utilized a double agent to try to capture "been a dick" Arnold to make a public example out of him, and they dang near succeeded. After Britain's failure in the Revolutionary War -- merci, Comte de Rochambeau, Marquis de Lafayette, et France -- Arnold resided in London where Arnold could find no job, and he and his wife were routinely greeted with hisses and jeers while out in public, the English press mocked him mercilessly, and he wasn't trusted and therefore blocked from taking any military positions. He then moved his family to Canada where he reentered the shipping business (he'd been an illegal rum runner in his younger days). The Tories in Canada despised him, didn't trust him, and had no use for him, and he eventually returned to London where he was still disliked and tried again to return to the military and was refused. His shipping ventures eventually failed, and he died in 1801, penniless, virtually unknown, and was buried in London... without military honors.
@kick,
i guess my point is, it's pretty hard luck for the real benedict arnold that he has to be compared to #therealdonaldtrump.
nypoet22
37
i guess my point is, it's pretty hard luck for the real benedict arnold that he has to be compared to #therealdonaldtrump.
Right... Arnold at least "lost" his leg for this country, while Trump can't admit to losing an election; it's not really fair to compare the two. But in defense of my comparison circa May 2016 and our comparisons to other dicks in history who must not be named: We calls them the way we sees them. :)