ChrisWeigant.com

Archive of Articles in the "Humor" Category

Friday Talking Points -- Republicans' Descent Into Dangerous Madness Continues Apace

[ Posted Friday, November 12th, 2021 – 18:00 UTC ]

This was a rather strange week in Washington politics because the biggest story actually happened almost an entire week ago. The lack of big news since then isn't really all that surprising, though, considering Congress is (once again) off for a week -- meaning little-to-no news from Capitol Hill. But before they scarpered [...]

Read Complete Article »

Two Spooktacular Tales Of Spine-Chilling Horror, For Right And Left

[ Posted Friday, October 29th, 2021 – 16:32 UTC ]

After being too despondent last year to write a Hallowe'en column (which is understandable, since the reality of the situation -- with Trump possibly about to win a second term -- was so horrendously scary I found I just couldn't top it), we return this year with our slate of annual tales of horror, for those on both the right and the left.

So sit down, imagine me holding a flashlight under my chin in a darkened room or campsite somewhere, and let me terrify you right down to your toes.

Read Complete Article »

From The Archives -- A Scary Hallowe'en Story

[ Posted Thursday, October 28th, 2021 – 17:13 UTC ]

I boarded the train in one of those Eastern European capitals that make you feel like you've stepped back about a century in time. The train car itself did nothing to dispel this notion, as the windows looked like they had last been cleaned promptly after World War I... and forgotten ever since. The upholstery on the seats was worn and threadbare, but when I sat down in one, I found that at least they were well-padded and comfortable. I settled in and looked around at my fellow travelers.

There were a few groups of people strung out throughout the train car, who all ignored me completely. They looked like tired commuters on their way home, and this proved to be the case, as they all got off at the first dozen or so stops on the outskirts of the city. I thought I would be alone for the rest of the journey, but at the last suburban stop a very old woman got on and sat down across from me. She looked a little spooky, with an eyepatch over one eye, and a bandanna tied over her hair. A mystical perfume which hinted at far-off bazaars wafted its way over to me. Her wizened visage examined me critically, and I was surprised to see a small smirk develop on her face as she did so.

Read Complete Article »

Friday Talking Points -- Crunch Time

[ Posted Friday, September 24th, 2021 – 16:58 UTC ]

It's one of those rare weeks in Washington, where Congress is actually forced into doing its job -- legislating, holding hearings... you know, the things the taxpayers actually pay them to do. As usual, they are facing multiple deadlines. They deserve zero pity, though, since they just returned from their annual month-long summer vacation. If they had stayed and worked instead of gone and played, then they wouldn't be facing all these time crunches simultaneously. Which is why we say: zero pity.

Read Complete Article »

From The Archives -- Royal Pain

[ Posted Friday, September 17th, 2021 – 16:15 UTC ]

[The Scene: A warm Philadelphia evening, 226 years ago. The delegates to the Constitutional Convention -- after a long and miserably-hot day of respectful debate (and quite a lot of just plain bickering) over the text of Article I, Section 10 of the proposed draft of the new United States Constitution -- take up the final item on the agenda. We join the Founding Fathers as they (somewhat-wearily) begin discussion of the final subject of the day. Since the debate was conducted behind closed doors, this re-creation uses no names for the participants, to protect their anonymity.]

Read Complete Article »

A Summer Grammatical Interlude

[ Posted Thursday, August 26th, 2021 – 17:06 UTC ]

Today we are going to set aside politics and Washington and all the rest of what I normally write about and instead do some pedantic navel-gazing. Yes, it is the dog days of summer, the tail end of the Silly Season, and so I felt it was time to do a column on grammar and style preferences.

Read Complete Article »

My Silly Season Product Endorsement

[ Posted Wednesday, August 18th, 2021 – 16:40 UTC ]

Although some very serious things are going on right now, this is supposed to be the political Silly Season, that long August period when Congress has left Washington and not much happens in the world of politics. Before Donald Trump's time, this was marked by the punditocracy deciding to focus their ravenous attention on some incredibly silly tempest in a teapot and blow it all completely out of proportion -- just because they had nothing better to write about and pontificate upon. Of course, Donald Trump's entire time in office was a 4-year Silly Season gone amok, so we really haven't had a "normal" Silly Season (if that isn't oxymoronic to say) since Barack Obama's time.

Read Complete Article »

From The Archives -- Arkansas Highpoint And Gangster Museum

[ Posted Friday, July 9th, 2021 – 17:01 UTC ]

I've been warning everyone for the past two Fridays that I was taking today off, so there will be no Friday Talking Points article today, sorry. Tune in next week, when we'll have a new one up as usual.

Since it's summer holiday time, though, I thought I'd re-run a vacation travelogue article I wrote in August of 2018. This article has nothing to do with politics at all, it was just a few days on the road winding our way towards the Netroots Nation conference in New Orleans.

Read Complete Article »

Dave's Not Here

[ Posted Wednesday, June 9th, 2021 – 15:17 UTC ]

Recent actual, no-foolin', you-can't-make-this-stuff-up news item:

A vaccine can now get you some pre-rolled bud in the state of Washington.

The state's liquor and cannabis board announced on Monday that in an effort to support coronavirus vaccinations, it will temporarily allow state-licensed cannabis retailers to give a free joint to adults who get their first or second dose at a vaccine clinic at one of the retail locations.

Call it the latest bounty in an ever-expanding list of incentives popping up across the country meant to push Americans to get their shots. "Joints for jabs" and similar campaigns have been around for months, with cannabis activist groups and local dispensaries offering joints for vaccinations. Now, a state is promoting the program.

Read Complete Article »

A Modest Earmark Proposal

[ Posted Thursday, April 1st, 2021 – 12:54 UTC ]

There's going to be a big difference in Congress soon, one that will likely first impact the infrastructure package just unveiled by President Joe Biden. Because after many years in the wilderness, earmarks are back!

Earmarks, for those who either never knew about them in the first place or had forgotten all about them during their period of dormancy, refer to money for pet projects inserted into massive budget bills by individual members of Congress. You may know it better by the more colloquial (and porcine) expressions: "bringing home the bacon," or, to its detractors: "pork-barrel spending." No matter what part of the rhetorical pig you favor, though, it's all just individual congressional districts feeding at the federal money trough.

Read Complete Article »