This isn't just the Keystone Kops, it's now a full-on Keystone Koup attempt. Before we get to any of it, however, we have to pause to wish Joseph Robinette Biden Junior a happy 78th birthday. Many happy returns, Joe!

Biden is now several steps closer to being sworn in as America's next president in less than nine weeks, as state after state certifies that Biden did indeed beat Donald Trump. Georgia did so today, and several other important states are slated to do so on Monday. By December 8th, all states will have done so and appointed their electors to the Electoral College.

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President Donald Trump has spent the past two weeks tweeting from his basement. If you ignore these tweets, he hasn't done much of anything else at all for that entire period of time. He laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier for Veterans Day, and he gave a very halfhearted announcement on the progress of the vaccine trials... and he's also played a lot of golf. So much golf. But you know what? Trump golfing or sulking in the basement is actually a lot better than Trump in a fit of rage, trampling things all over the place like a deranged Godzilla.

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Bad puns aside, though, the dereliction of duty shown by President Donald Trump this week should stun us all. It doesn't, of course, because: he's been derelict on so many duties over the past four years already; he's been especially out to lunch on the coronavirus pandemic; and most people are paying more attention to his extended tantrum about losing the election to Joe Biden. But we should be paying a lot closer attention to what Trump is failing to do right now -- and our guess is that we will, very soon now.

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As if we weren't already in Bizarro World, America is now going through a period where the national government has dedicated itself to one goal above all else: soothing President Trump's fragile and bruised ego. This is beyond pathetic, it's approaching being downright dangerous.

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The most amusing thing I heard last week was a possible-apocryphal story about a toddler who complained that all Mommy and Daddy wanted to do anymore was "watch the Map Show on television." But finally, after staring at that map all week long, on Saturday morning we all got the good news, as both Pennsylvania and Nevada were called for Joe Biden. Whether or not a news organization had called Arizona suddenly didn't even matter, because Biden was over the top with or without it. And 75 million people (and still counting) breathed the first big sigh of relief they have in four very long years, as the "Map Show" came to a glorious end. Donald Trump's presidency is not quite over yet, but the end is now clearly in sight.

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Where we stand as a nation right now is that Joe Biden is almost certainly going to become the next president of the United States. Donald Trump is almost certainly not going to have a second term in office. We're only "almost" certain because the vote count in several states is so close that they haven't officially been called for one candidate or the other yet.

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Here we go again. It's like we all woke up today in the year 2000. Lawsuits are being filed, votes are still being counted, and several key states have not been called yet. There is no winner, although as of this writing it certainly seems like Biden's got a clear edge. But, just like in 2000, that can always change.

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Here we are, the end of a very long and exhausting road. Election Day is tomorrow. But 100 million Americans may have already voted before Tuesday even dawns. Voting in the time of COVID-19 has been just as different as everything else we've been living through.

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We'll get to explaining that title further (as if it really needs it), down in the talking points section of our program. And happy Hallowe'en-eve to everyone ("Hallowe'en'en," maybe?).

The homestretch of the 2020 election has been rather bizarre to watch, since President Donald Trump has made his closing argument: "Pandemic? What pandemic? I don't see any pandemic anywhere!"

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In 1973, baseball legend Yogi Berra uttered the immortal line: "It ain't over 'til it's over." He was speaking about the playoffs, but it's really a universal statement that has particular relevance right now. Because tens of millions of Americans just want the election to be over. Many have wanted this for months. And we've still got five more days to go.

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